


lay it all on me

by lovelightburn



Category: The Killing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 10:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14952635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelightburn/pseuds/lovelightburn
Summary: Set in episode 04x03. Linden goes with Holder to Liz's for dinner. ["Maybe we’re not friends. But I’m cleaning up your mess. Go. Apologize." Her face was flushed and her hair, wild on the best of days, was practically crackling with electricity. She looked like fire personified and suddenly all he wanted to do was melt.]





	lay it all on me

**Author's Note:**

> Dialog in bold is taken directly from the episode.  
> Title and song lyrics are from "Sold My Soul" by The Used.  
> Thanks for reading!

**lay it all on me**

_I took every chance to lash my tongue_  
_You wore the scabs just like an angel_  
_There's something about you_

**“We got away with it. Isn’t that what you wanted?”**

She strode out of the bathroom, leaving Holder stewing there. He shook his head and caught up with her in the hall.

“Whatever. Come with me to dinner at Liz’s tonight.”

She looked at him incredulously.

“What? Why? Aren’t you taking your girlfriend?”

He blew out an angry breath. “She’s pissed at me. I missed our fucking OB appointment, finding out the due date, all that.”

She crossed her arms and didn’t respond.

“Just come on, damn. Come eat some real food for once and then we’ll get back out there. Take some leftovers to Jack, he could use some real food, too.”

“Fine. Whatever. I’m driving,” she retorted, walking towards the car.

***************

**“It’s called natural childbirth because it’s natural, you know? Women have been doing it for hundreds of years.”**

**“Maybe even longer,”** Linden said wryly, not looking up from her plate.

 **“Why would we take her to a hospital?”** Holder continued. **“They’ll just shoot her up with a bunch of drugs.”**

Davey was counting loudly (and incorrectly) in Spanish.

 **“All right, little man. You can speak Spanish, we get it, we get it,”** Holder said with an edge to his voice. **“And she won’t even bond with the baby.”**

 **“Come on,”** Liz interjected. **“I had both of these kids in the hospital and I bonded with them just fine.** Sarah, don’t you have a son? How did you have him?”

“In a hospital, numb to my eyeballs,” she answered, with a small smile to Liz.

“See, and her kid is half feral, eating from vending machines. My kid won’t be like that,” Holder retorted. Sarah glared at him but shot another faint smile at Liz. **“And I mean, it’s safer at home. You know, birth is a sacred experience. Sage and myrrh massages loosen the pudendum.”**

“Wow,” Linden said, “I don’t know if Caroline would be thrilled to know that you’re discussing her pudendum.”

 **“Don’t you want a doctor there?”** Liz interjected. **“What if something goes wrong?”**

 **“What could go wrong?”** Holder asked incredulously.

 **“A lot. Believe me.”** Continuing in a hushed voice, Liz said, **“My friend Marnie’s baby got _stuck_.” **

**“Yeah well that ain’t gonna happen,”** Holder insisted. **“You know what your problem is, Liz? You’re a downer. You always have been. That’s why you can’t get a date, you know. No one wants to be around that.”**

Linden shot him a look before hunching down over her plate and continuing to eat. She did it without realizing it but it was a habit that had held on since her foster care days. Once the foster parents started shouting at each other, dinner was over whether you were still hungry or not.

Davey was still counting loudly from the bar where he sat with Kayla.

**“Shut the fuck up, little man.”**

“Holder!” Sarah said, shocked.

**“He can take it. His dad used to say way worse. Ain’t that right, little man? Huh? Ain’t that right?”**

Davey gave an uncertain smile then gave Holder the low five he was holding his hand out for.

 **“Shut the fuck up!”** Kayla yelled at Davey.

 **“You shut the fuck up!”** he returned.

 **“Great. Great. Thanks a lot, Uncle Steve,”** Liz said tersely before taking a large drink of her wine.

**“I’m sorry, but your kids are running wild. They don’t listen to a thing you say. Kids need boundaries.”**

**“Yeah, like you know the first thing about being a parent. You’re barely out of adolescence yourself.** Sarah, I’m sorry you’re stuck with him all day. **The idea of this guy being a father is a little scary** , I can’t imagine having him as a partner.”

Linden continued to move the spaghetti around her plate with her fork, but clearly no one was interested in eating anymore.

 **“Fuck you too,”** Holder said before adding a mocking, **“Sorry, kids.”**

“Holder. Stop,” Linden commanded.

 **“He can’t help himself,** Sarah **. He’s drunk.”**            

**“Whatever. Biatch.”**

Liz had finally reached her limit. **“Don’t you dare talk that way in front of my kids.”**

“We picked up a new case. **He’s under a lot of stress lately** ,” Linden said quietly.

 **“Don’t apologize for me,** Linden. **You don’t even fucking know me,”** Holder snarled.

“Unfortunately, I do,” Linden replied coldly.

Holder turned his attention back to Liz. **“Isn’t this what you want? Your little bro getting married, settled down? Blah, blah, blah.  Well, I did it. I more than did it. We’re gonna make it.”**

Liz didn’t reply so Holder continued.

**“I made it. Fuck, I more than made it. We’re gonna be happy. Just because you’ve never been happy don’t mean I won’t. Even though Mark was an asshole, I don’t blame him. Kill myself too if I had to live with you.”**

Sarah called over to the kids **, “Who wants to watch cartoons? Let’s go watch cartoons.”** She ushered them into the living room and turned on the tv.

Liz’s face was white with anger. **“You’re an awful person,”** she bit out.

 **“Maybe,”** Holder replied, taking another drink of his beer.

His sister stood up and left the room.

“Hey,” Sarah said, returning and holding up her phone. “They’ve got something in the Stansbury case. Let’s go.”

While Holder got his coat on, Linden scribbled a note and left it on Liz’s counter. _I’m so sorry. Thank you for having me – Sarah_.

“Bye, Kayla. Bye, little man,” Holder called as they were walking out the door. Before his drunk mind could comprehend what was happening, his back hit the wall.

“The fuck, Linden?”

“Listen to me,” Linden said coldly, her face an inch from his. “You’ve told me over and over about how that woman gave up her own childhood to raise you. She doesn’t deserve this. Is this the kind of person you want your nephew to see you being? Your kid?”

“Stay the fuck out of it,” he snarled. “It has nothing to do with you.”

“ _This is how you lose things_ ,” she replied, not backing down. “This is how. And I won’t let you. Get the fuck in there and apologize.”

 “It doesn’t have anything to do with you, Linden. We’re not friends. You’re just someone I got stuck with when all I was trying to do was my fucking job. Now here I am, always cleaning up your messes.” He jabbed her in the chest with his finger.

“Maybe we’re not friends. But I’m cleaning up your mess. _Go. Apologize._ ”

Her face was flushed and her hair, wild on the best of days, was practically crackling with electricity. She looked like fire personified and suddenly all he wanted to do was melt. He dropped his head and this time she didn’t block him. They were kissing, but it wasn’t love and it wasn’t affection. They were fighting for dominance and Linden still wasn’t giving in. This was what was between them, this force. They tried to turn away from it but it was always there.

He wanted more.

He started to switch their positions so that she was up against the wall, but she pulled away and put a hand on his chest.

“Go apologize,” she ordered again. Her eyes were still as cold as ice but her breathing was labored. “And we’ll keep discussing it.”

His eyes had a sleepiness that wasn’t from the beer. Bedroom eyes.

“Fine,” he said, finally. He raised her chin with a finger and said, “Stay here.”

He knocked on the door and walked in without waiting for an invitation. Liz was in the living room with the kids, probably telling them that Uncle Steve was an asshole and to stay away from him again.

“Get out,” she said, standing up to put herself between him and her kids.

Seeing her take a protective stance as if he was going to hurt Davey and Kayla broke through the fog Holder was in.

“Liz, I – I’m sorry,” he said. “I was out of line. I’ve gotta lot on my plate and –”

“That’s no excuse for talking to me the way you did,” Liz interrupted. “In front of them. And to them!”

“Yeah, little man, I’m sorry,” Holder said, looking down. “I shouldn’t have said that. And guys, don’t say what I said. It’s not nice. Your moms is raising you better than that, don’t listen to Uncle Steve. I’m sorry.”

The kids didn’t reply but looked to their mom.

“Stephen.”

 “I’ll go. I’m sorry, Liz,” Holder said, backing towards the door.

“Just go,” she said, closing it in his face.

Linden was still there, leaning against the wall.

“I’m a fuck up,” Holder said, resting his forehead against the door.

“Did Liz ever tell you about when we met when you were in the hospital?” Linden asked, conversationally. “She sent me away. Told me you needed to rest.”

“She did?”

“She did.” Linden confirmed. “She loves you. She tried to protect you, even from me.”

She stepped towards him and put her face close to his again, as much as she could manage with their height difference.

“You’re angry at how this has all turned out. Conflicted. You want to push everyone away. Because we’re bad people and don’t deserve anything good, right? I understand that. But you are _not_ going to ruin everything good in your life. I won’t let you.”

She glanced at his lips.

“And I’m not going to let you make me the reason you and Caroline don’t work out.”

“I didn’t – I wasn’t –” he sputtered.

“Go home, Holder,” she said. “Call a cab.”

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I’m going home to my son,” she answered, walking away.

_All your fear, all the blame  
You know that you can lay it all on me._

The End


End file.
